I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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