I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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