In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
