Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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