you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize