I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
