its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
