I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
