When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
