Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
