It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
