does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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