I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
