Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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