I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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