Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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