Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
