So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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