Girls should come with a carfax report
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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