Where did you get a picture of my penis
wanna go halves on a baby?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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