You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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