im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
where does the pee come out of this thing
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
