when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
