i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
