There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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