so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
