Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
