Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
