Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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