Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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