Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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