I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
