also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I won the penis lottery.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
