I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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