I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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