1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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