he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
