the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My balls are so social today.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize