What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
