WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
