I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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