ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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