Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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