She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
