one might say we're banned from that church
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
