I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
