I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
