Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How naked do you want me to be?
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