The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
