if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This house was built for laser tag.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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