they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
