I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
