Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize