bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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