We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
