what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
