Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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