you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
