I just saw a hot homeless man
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My hand turned me down
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
