I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
