he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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