He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
