mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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