In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
