i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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