Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
