That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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